Can't catch a break

My husband and I got married in 2022, and I went off the pill a couple of months later. After 6ish months of trying, we went to a reproductive endocrinologist. After a whole series of tests looked fine for me, my husband did a semen sample and they found no sperm. We met with a RE that specialized in male fertility, and he was optimistic that my husband could do chlomid for several months, then be able to extract sperm from another semen sample or do a microTese timed with IVF. The RE says IVF would be August / September 2024.

Fast forward six months of chlomid and lifestyle changes, no sperm in the semen. At this point, the RE brings up the possibility of doing a a varicose seal surgery and waiting 6 months to retest the semen or move forward with IVF. We're anxious to move forward, but want to maximize our chances of success, so we do the surgery and wait the 6 months. The RE advises that we should seriously consider getting donor sperm just in case. We purchase donor sperm and wait the 6 months. Through all of this, we are somehow holding it together / are in denial, convinced everything will work out.

Semen sample doesn't end up showing sperm so we proceed with the microTese paired with IVF and... you guessed it... the microTese is unsuccessful. I take my trigger for retrieval the night of his unsuccessful surgery while in hysterics but trying to stay calm to help with retrieval outcomes (impossible...).

We force ourselves to snap out of it when we find out that the donor sperm and my eggs have led to PGT-A tested embryos. We tell ourselves our the infertility struggles are behind us! Everything looked perfect in my testing, it's smooth sailing from now on! My RE says he loves giving news like our PGT-A results - he estimates each embryo has a 75% of resulting in a live birth! We're doing it! We schedule transfer for the next cycle.

First transfer, I test positive at home 6dp5t and we are on cloud 9! We're so excited on beta day - our time has finally come!!! We get the call that beta shows the pregnancy is either chemical or ectopic. We are beyond crushed, all the emotions we've been holding together for the past YEARS come crashing down.

We find out our RE is on an unexpected two month leave of absence. We can wait until he is back (we cannot speak to another RE in the practice) or we can repeat the same protocol since the nurses say being a chemical means it worked and it was likely an embryo issue.

We transfer again since I mentally don't think I can wait longer. Of course, another chemical. RE comes back from leave, super nonchalant, tells us we can do a hysteroscopy with biopsy and clotting panels but we've already done everything else (he's not comfortable with ERA, EMMA, ALICE, Receptiva) so if these additional tests are clear, we need to be comfortable with the fact that we'll never know what's going on - but we can do modified natural or medicated instead of natural if we psychologically feel like we're changing something. Hysteroscopy with biopsy and clotting panels came back clear this week so no answers and no options provided apart from just transferring when we're ready. If this next transfer doesn't work, we won't have any answers and will need to gear up for another retrieval.

I feel like I'm losing my mind... when will it be our time?? Adding insult to injury, we went away to Mexico immediately after the second chemical because I felt like my brain was going to explode if I stayed home and I got severe food poisoning on the second day and ended up in the hospital at the end of the vacation.... why can't we catch a break?