Please, help

Hi everyone,

I am currently dealing with a terrible bout of what I hope is ROCD. I love my boyfriend and cherish our time together. He's someone who's full of hope, kindness, and intelligence, but lately... it's been pretty hard on my end. I'm currently spiraling over the fact that he doesn't ask about my day a lot, or encourage me to share a lot. He has autism and ADHD (so do I), and although he usually asks me about my day or how I slept (I think ? My memory is a bit fuzzy, honestly), the last few weeks have been hard for him and to be frank, he's been depressed. He can't afford a therapist at the moment but he goes to social security covered focused therapy groups, as he's been for a year after a difficult depression. He's had medical issues, administrative issues. And he still finds time to listen and comfort me when I need. But I know lately it's been horrible for him. He won't talk about it much although I let him vent about what's going on because I know he needs it, and I'm pretty sure he just doesn't want to put the full weight of his current issues on me.

But my brain is not having it. He's being compared to my avoidant and abusive ex-partner. I feel unsafe, distant, like I have to RUN, I'm comparing him to my friends, feeling desperate, everything.

I've had obsessive thoughts since a few weeks into the relationship. Sometimes, I still feel happy, overwhelmed with love and care. I feel loved, cared for, protected, like I want to marry him. Sometimes I'm even pretty sure I'm feeling ocytosin.

I don't want to leave a person who does his best, gives me hope and kindness. But it feels so, so real.