I was SA by my Aunt....... i was still a small kid. A minor

M28 here. I was around eight or 10 yrs old when that happend.we used to live in village side back then. She is my distance aunt (mom's small sister). All the kids used to sleep in the same bed. Late night when I was asleep she used ki.s my cheeks neck n lips, she used to tuuch me then she used to make me suck her b..bs. then she used to make me go down on her. I have never told anyone about this but as i saw her this dashain at relative house. I had a mix feeling, Everything clicked , the flashbback came. I was just a foking kid. I really had a hard life, lost my dad when i was in early teen. Never bonded with my mom as she married some1 else after a year. I never felt home anywhere. I was a broken child & i turn out to be a rebelious teen. I was sent to hostel early in childhood. What else I was always misunderstood, unsupported even in my career path .my ex broke up with me, we had quite a long run of 8 yrs. I culd never date another woman cuse i have every issues . During lockdown i had a breakdown went to depression stage 3 ( sucidal thoughts , attemps ). Left everything,ended my high earning career cuse i was fadeup with everything.. took a long break from society for a whole year. I even thought of living a life of aghori or monk just cuse i felt i was too damage for a social life. They say careful what you wish for ,I went to jail for a 14 month for something i didnt even commit. ( another story 😅 ) . Been 6 month I been staying in my room doing nothing...

I have trust issue commit issue daddy issue mommy issue ... every issues... I am sure if a psychiatrist gets to analyse my Brain, he will be speechless. Maybe I am broken, beyond repairment. I am really not even afraid to die but sucide is too cowardly. The life of Aghori & Monk is tempting but unpure soul & sinful body for that path. Can't start a family being a bad father & a worthless Husband. Dnt wanna go back to my old career path... is this really a life? Is this called living?