The burning desire

I don’t know how to describe this but lately I’ve been having an itch to take things offline. I’ve been nervous and wanna keep everyone online but lately I want take the next step to have an actually affair. But more than that I’ve been thinking about wanting an affair partner. Make our connection exclusive and make it like a secret gf. Idk what is wrong with me.. why am I having these thoughts. I’m getting to the point of like I know no one would ever want me but that hope is burning in me..