If I'm called to celibacy...

How do you KNOW you're called to celibacy? I feel like every Christian has questioned this at least once in their life, but it feels realer to me (I might be delusional)

I'm only 18, so that might explain a lot. I have crushes on guys. I think they're very aesthetically pleasing to look at, but the one time the guy I had a crush on liked me back? At first it was amazing, but that quickly crashed and as the idea of us ACTUALLY dating approached I felt queasy. I'd go to bathrooms and cry because it made me feel bad, and it was for no reason whatsoever. He was out of my league, handsome, treated me REALLY well, went to church with me (but left after he realized it wasn't gonna be a thing). Since then, I've noticed it's the same thing every time. I might appreciate how a guy looks, or how nice he is, but dating makes me feel queasy and anxious. I like to be friends with crushes, not involve myself romantically.

But I don't know if this is because I'm called to celibacy or what? I've noticed that I'm fine with not dating in the moment. In fact, I made some game my freshman year of highschool where I have to make it all 4 years without a boyfriend, and I've mostly been fine with that. I'm just now realizing as graduation approaches that it IS weird.

And I think I'd be fine with celibacy. In the moment it doesn't bother me, I can honestly imagine it working out for me. I could feel peace with that, but I have this fear I'm missing out. Somewhere along the line I convinced myself that me not having a boyfriend meant I was too ugly to get one, or that I NEED to have one to be happy. At the same time, some things I genuinely want from a relationship. I struggle with the idea of Jesus not being able to physically hold me, so sometimes I think a relationship is the only place I can get those things, so I kinda want one, but I don't. My only fix for that is lining up my pillows, pretending they're Jesus, and holding them at night. Which is EXTREMELY sad

And it doesn't help that a lot of Christian's treat celibacy as a second option. The whole "I could never be like Paul" joke definitely weighs on me. But I'm about to graduate, so I'm no longer tethered to that game of mine. Maybe if I force myself into a relationship with a good guy and push past that queasiness it'll go away? Do any of you guys feel the same?