Why did my(m29) break up with my ex wife(f23) actually emotionally wreck me?

Okay bear with me on this one cause it’s a bit of a long read since a lot of messed up stuff happened but I genuinely need advice on this lol

We met 2.5 years ago on a dating app I was on shortly, we were moved in together after 3 months, married after 5. She never worked, even though I made it very clear I cannot “spoil” her that way and provide for 2 people on my current salary and she always said she’d get work, I tried hooking her up with stuff but she never wanted to. 4-5 months back she finally took a job when it was too late already cause I’ve been taking on stupid loans to support the lifestyle we had, dumping half of my salary so we could order food ever day cause she didn’t feel like cooking while I worked 12h shifts and she doom scrolled TikTok and at my current stage my entire main work salary goes just for the things I have to pay monthly now. Fortunately I have a 2nd job which pays enough that I can still get by fine from the income.

She came fresh out of a toxic relationship before me(as in she already broke up with the ex multiple times but it never stuck, she kept giving him chances and getting bad) - toxic to the point where she got physically and mentally abused, he ruined her self confidence, gave her ridiculous insecurity issues, anxiety to where she was scared to go anywhere alone etc. But I figured I could help her through that(dumb decision boys, when people tell you do not date people fresh out of horrible relationships, let them heal first because only THEY can help themselves, it is very real lol). And it worked, somewhat for the first few months - she started eating well again and gained a lot of weight, her sleep paralysis and nightmares were gone and she actually slept through the nights like a care free baby, anxiety severly decreased etc. And I was very happy to see this but the problem was, even when I was completely focused on trying to help her recover, love her, help her heal, all I EVER got in return was lack a lack of physical touch, she never prioritised me just did what she felt like and what she wanted, dates, picnics, walks, giving up gym(at home mind you) because she just wanted me with her every second after my job were never good enough. She always had a “buuuut you could’ve done this” and “you could’ve done more”. Never just a plain simple “thank you my love, I appreciate that and it was nice”. Never in the entire first year of dating, not even once - I was always criticised, while in return she just didn’t even do the bare minimum to make me feel “loved” in any way. I texted her from my work to the point my boss called me into his office and told me I gotta stop cause every time he walked by I was on my phone, I called during all my breaks, she had FULL access to all my socials, went through my phone, battery usage daily and never found anything off because I genuinely didn’t do anything but I was always accused of cheating and her excuse was just “yeah it’s happened to me before, all men lie, I just can’t trust you.”. I worked 12h shifts, I helped her cook and clean, I made breakfast in bed for HER on the weekends when I was tired as hell and I constantly got criticised.

This after a year or so led to a mental breakdown on my end and I told her I want out because this just isn’t working. Named everything I wrote above and more because there was lots more lol, told her it feels to me like she doesn’t love me at all but a version of me that I’m not and never will be and never shows any appreciation for me or gives back any genuine love and I just wanna split. Offered her to stay in the house until she can move out on her own or find someone else but it was a bunch of 3 hour conversations where she ended it with “we can fix this, I’ll do better because I hear and understand you” but that never lasted for more than 7 days max. Tried breaking up for a solid 8 months straight and she just flat out refused it, and I felt bad and didn’t have it in me to just kick her out and leave her stranded like that.

This eventually led to me stacking debt, starting to drink alcohol after work because I couldn’t take the home situation sober anymore and now I’m at a point where for the last 8 months I’ve been dropping 0,5l/1l of liquor per day. She moved out about a month back, finally accepting it just won’t work. For weeks before that I slept in my extra room for obvious reasons and for the last week before she left she asked me to stay with her because it’s all coming to an end and she wants good memories of us and wants to be around me before she leaves, so I did that, which I feel added more fuel to the fire for me and messed me up wayyyyy more because she was actually pretty nice the last week. I crashed my bike last week, wasted out of my head, I have a good tolerance to alcohol drinking this long now but the last few weeks have been rough because she kept texting me saying that she misses me and stuff, engage into full blown chats then spend the next 3 days replying once every 6 hours, like she can’t make it more obvious that I’m the backup she’s keeping around while talking to someone else and ironically when I started ignoring her for hours as well it was instant “okay so now you’re ignoring me? 😒”. No, I’m returning the same energy?? But it messes my head up.

And I don’t understand any of this, AT ALL. It was a terrible relationship where I genuinely gave 110% from day one and she gave me 10%. She literally told me at one point that she’s “only capable of giving me like 30% of her love now because she isn’t moved on yet”, and over time told me she used to do A LOT more for the exes she had before who didn’t do half of the things I did for her. I’m fully aware this was beyond toxic and I got used while she moved on with her life and got to a better place, I WANTED her to leave for so long and yet now that shes actually gone….. It hurts like a mf, and I don’t understand why

TLDR to this I guess is gave my ex 110% and tried to make her feel loved, safe, secure, help her heal while she barely gave her minimum back to me and it ruined me over time. She refused to break up, I’m fully aware it was overboard toxic and now that she’s actually gone I miss the living crap out of her and don’t understand why.