I was SAed by my cousin brother

Im from an asian country. Im the oldest and I have a little brother. My mothers uncle's daughter was married to my grandmothers brother. But he died due to kidney failure when hus second son was just 2-3 months old. So this sister who's husband died eventually went back to her village. So before even i was born my parents bought both of my cousins to the city I live it. So my parents basically raised both of them. I was always close with the older cousin more and this somehow made the younger one jealous.i was in grade 4 a that time. It was my birthday that day. My parents both work so thus younger cousin picks me up from school, he was around 25 this time. No one was home that day my grandmother had gone to some death. I didn't have a mobile phone back then so i used to ask people to give their phone to watch yt. Like usual i asked my cousin. He was making a deal with me. He said he would kiss me for 20 seconds and I can watch a video. I didn't know what that really meant back then. He was very aggressive and was bitting me. Then while i was watching 5 minutes craft he slid his hand inside my underwear and was touching me approximately. I was uncomfortable and told him to takeit off but he kept doing it and after a while he slid his had back and and kept touching my but and after some time he was putting his fingers inside i told him to stop but he kept going. After 2 mins or so the water had ended. He then started kissing me for few minutes and gave me his phone . This time he waa pinching my nipples and i wish not to go into details after this. It was soo painful i almost cried and then only did he stop. This happened multiple times when ppl were not around. He stopped after iwas in grade 7. When i was in grade 8 i was feeling sooo bad that i told my older cousin first because we were really close. He was in UK for higher studies that time and I was sobbing while saying it all.he was asking what he did and I was unable to answer him I was not able to describe it.the same night i told my mother too. She told me not to tell my father as it will make a huge fight in the family. My older cousin confronted the abuser and thus guy came to my house and started being soo emotional saying why arr you spreading all this now? You are making me the bad guy to everyone. Youve clearly misunderstood me and he said he will go away somewhere if everyone knows. I was just feeling guilty that maybe i was jusr overthinking and stuff. Noe he comes home every weekend and i dobt like thar ay all. But everyone acts normal like nothing happened. I hate everything my skin touches his. And im pretty sure i was not making up all this, but it is true that ive misunderstood SA with this? And everyone just forgot something like this happened. I feel bad for telling my older cousin tooo it feels like our relationship has changed ever afterall he's his brother. Only my mother my cousin brother and my bestfriend knows (i only told her when i was in year 11) instead of supporting me all she asked was so your not a virgin? Tell me how did it feel? I just felt horrible after which i told to never talk abt it again. I just cant accept the fact that everyone is acting normal forgetting whatever that happened to me. I just wanted to let this out. Really sorry for all the mistakes im not a native speaker and my hands were shaking while typing this down.