DAE experience enablers pulling this?

Guess what? My (20f) mother's bitch ass decided to volunteer to help, in her words, "children who have been abused." I overheard her telling my father this.

My parents have abused me since birth. My father is a dark tetrader and my mother is an emotionally abusive and neglectful enabler, and has been an enabler since my birth. she has never defended me once.

What makes matters worse is that she can see things in TV shows like some guy getting bullied (satirically) and just gasp and be like "that's so horrible someone should help him!" or hear about some tragedy and be like "if i was in that siutation i'm sure someone would help." meanwhile she doesn't get upset by any, shall we say, less than ideal situations i'm in (that she put me in).

she's the reason why I know and have always known that no one would ever help. i never even considered or had the "knowing" that someone ought to help, it was just how i was raised. I cannot fathom anything else happening to me; i cannot fathom ever being defended in ANY meaningful way. ever.

last night i was crying alone in the living room, just wishing i had a mom.

so I listened to her talking about her jerk off volunteering and i felt nothing. nothing. because she neglected and abused me so much that I no longer have feelings. I cannot even care, i've abandoned myself along with everyone else.

:/