I’m honestly so lost right now

I honestly have too much shit going on. I was mostly clean from cutting for a year and now it’s all I can think about. I also used to just be a cat scratcher but it’s getting deeper now nd it still isn’t enough it doesn’t hurt enough.

And I was doing so good with losing weight and I fucked it all up. I was at 98lbs nd now I’m 125. Like WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKK I wanna kill myself. I want to actually kill myself. It’s all I can think about.

And I don’t feel like explaining it but there’s a post already on my profile about it but my boyfriend has just been making it worse and idk how to deal with it. Like I’m genuinely losing my fucking mind. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.