First ENM experience — struggling with communication & consistency

Hey everyone, I’m new to ENM and could really use some perspective.

I’ve been seeing a guy for a couple of months — he’s ENM, I’m monogamous — and while I knew going in that I wouldn’t be his only partner, I didn’t expect to feel this confused about what’s normal in terms of connection and communication.

When we’re together, it’s amazing — warm, intimate, affectionate, easy. But between seeing each other, he can go a full week (or more) without texting or checking in. If I reach out, he’s friendly and engaged, but he rarely initiates. When I asked if he wanted to spend his birthday together, he said he’d let me know… and then just didn’t.

I get that ENM folks have multiple relationships and busy schedules, but I’m struggling to tell if this kind of inconsistency is just part of the territory, or if he’s simply not that into me and being polite.

I want to respect his autonomy and not chase — but I also need to feel wanted and valued. How do you tell the difference between “this is normal ENM space” and “you’re just not a priority”?