I '24f' can't keep doing this

I’m so fucking tired. Mentally exhausted to a point where I don’t even know what to do anymore. My dad… he wasn’t always like this. He used to drink occasionally, sometimes at home... nothing too crazy. But now? It’s like every single evening he goes out, and when he comes back, it’s always late… 10, 11:30, sometimes after 12. And every single time, he’s drunk. And when he’s drunk, he’s not just quiet or sleepy.. no. He argues, he picks fights, says things that just tear the whole atmosphere apart. That’s his thing... being drunk and toxic. Tonight, he came home after 12:30 again. And I just sat there thinking... why? Why does he keep doing this? Why does he not see what it’s doing to us, to me? Just a few days back we had a huge argument because of this exact same shit. And now the whole vibe of home feels… heavy. Broken. It’s like living inside a pressure cooker that’s always about to explode. I can’t breathe in peace anymore. I’ve tried everything.. talking to him, arguing with him, even emotional blackmail. But nothing worked. It’s like he doesn’t even care. Or maybe he does, but the bottle means more to him now.

I’m sick of it. Sick of pretending, sick of acting normal. Sometimes I just want to disappear, run away somewhere no one knows me, where I don’t have to deal with this constant chaos. And then sometimes… darker thoughts creep in. Thoughts I don’t even want to admit. But I’m honestly at that point where I don’t know what to do, or how much longer I can keep going like this.