How do you married guys deal with this? 😭

I'm married, but been curious for years. I haven't said anything to my wife, but man have I jerked off to so much gay and trans porn. I rarely have the chance to use a dildo on myself and I can't bring myself to ask my wife to fuck my ass. I've been on Grindr a few times, but always chicken out of doing anything. How do you married guys manage this?