Please help me, I feel hopeless

I have agoraphobia for years and going therapy for years. I tried meds but it made my anxiety worse. I’m doing exposure lately, but I feel awful during it. I could handle most of the time without escaping, but I feel truly AWFUL and extremely anxious the whole time. It’s so sad that I can’t live and enjoy the moment. I used to love restaurants, shopping, travelling now I just can’t. Even just thinking about it makes me anxious. Sometimes I even get that “derealization” feeling too lately… Feels like I’m forcing myself. So I started to avoid again… I always fear of fainting in public and “nobody would help me” or “i’m not safe at all) and I fear of the feeling that “I can’t escape”. Will I ever be normal? They say exposure is the only way through it and let it be. But I feel like I can’t let it be. I’m just suffering through it. Anyone else in my shoes? It feels like it will be forever (till I live)… Any advice? Really, anything.