AIO for not wanting to date somebody that has rumors surrounding them

Ok, let’s gets this out of the way, I’m a senior in high school and I never dated anybody

The ml is one year younger than and dated multiple people, also he has some weird rumors circling around himself for a while.

Therefore, I thought he was a werid kid. However, I went to volunteer at this one boat race and he was there. Since, I didn’t really have any friend at the boat race, I started to talk to him because he was lingering around. I didn’t wanna judge him to quickly, because rumors can be misleading. So, I talked to him and he was pretty nice, very different from the rumors. After the boat race was over I went to talk to my hg because she sometimes knows the tea, I was like give me a full breakdown of his rumors and she did, I don’t really the full context of the rumors but it’s was some inappropriate stuff. Anyways I didn’t think much of it really, because we just talked once.

A month passed, and my school conducted a school field trip to six flags, coincidentally, he was going. so me and my friend decided to go and he decided to with a friend also. Once the day came, we rode on the same bus, but we didn’t talk. Once we arrived at six flags, we started talking and we decided to group up. Mind u, he has flash pass premium and me and friend has standard flash pass. Which means that he can go on the rides faster than me and my friend.

So, we walking around talking and stuff, and even though I already knew how he acts ( he says immature stuff, but lowkey I do too) I came to a realization that I’m sorta relaxed around him, I can joke around and he wouldn’t be offended by it, it wasn’t awkward at all. Anyways, we got on some rides and waited for rides because of flash pass reservations. The ml , doesn’t really have to wait on us to go on the rides, but he stuck with us anyways. (Side note, he’s dylesxic, which means when he was ordering the tickets, he thought if he got the premium pass, he can bring another person. He didn’t realize until after we got in the park, so the friend he bought didn’t have a flash pass and have to get in the regular lines. long story short, he friend didn’t want to buy the $50 standard flash pass, so me, my friend and the ml kinda abandoned the ml friend once we stopped going to less popular rides to the most popular, we still met up occasionally around the park, however he couldn’t get on most of the big rides with us).

Anyways, he was basically being very sweet the whole day, he was giving me food, he bought us sorta matching mood rings and was offering to buy me other things, he was holding the fan to my face ( a little portable fan) he was blocking the sun for me by standing in front of me ( I’m 4’11, but with shoes I’m 5 ft, he’s like 6 ft) he offered to carry me, when I was complaining about walking. One thing that really had my heart skipping a beat was when we walking around, I saw a huge avocado (I love avocado plushies) and I mentioned it, my friend joking around was like you should go win us something or whatever, I didn’t really think of it really until later, when we split up for a sec. He went to get the avocado and spent $60 trying to win the avocado and it took him 20 try to win the avocado. Dude this avocado was like 3/4 my size and we had to carry it around the park for the rest of the night. Even though we took turns, he carried mostly around.

There was this one ride, where my friend didn’t wanna go on, so only me and him got on it, I wanted to go to the front of the ride, so we did. This ride had a big drop, so once we was climbing the ride, I lowkey started panicking (I wasn’t really scared tho) and he hold us hand out and we rode the whole ride holding hands.

I had a feeling that he wanted to sit by me for most of the rides but I had my hg with me sooo bros before hoes or girl code. Lastly, it was almost time for us to go, he was looking at some Asian cuisine and me and my friend was talking while we wait in line for the ride. We decided that me and ml was go one last ride and my friend and his friend was going to find something to eat. So after our ride we was currently on was finish, me and ml booked it trying to find the last ride. We was holding hand as we desperately tried to find the last ride. We couldn’t find it and we was tired from running so we went to find that Asian cuisine that he was looking at earlier.

… that was the whole six flags trip and I had some mixed feelings about the whole thing, however I did text him the same night saying how much fun I had hanging out and we should hang out again (he said yes). So now, I’m kinda developing a little crush and that’s when everything starts to go downhill because of two things, once I have a crush, I over-analysis and overthink everything conversation, every action, every word. Also, the last crush I had was pretty short and that story is from my last post, but I didn’t want to feel overwhelmed like I did to my last crush, so I waited for him to text me or plan something. I hate doing that though because the suspense kills me and I can’t do mind games. Even though we see each other in school, we don’t talk. And that the second thing, I don’t want anybody to know that I’m talking to him, (we go to a small school, so everybody knows everything), I didn’t want to get talked about and have rumors about me, so I lowkey kinda avoid him at school even though he lowkey do the same.

I do like him, I guess but I don’t want to be seen with him, I also don’t want to have labels either (does this means we in a situationship) idk, I’m just having mixed feelings about the whole thing. However, I was going to give it a try, until yesterday happened.

There this thing at my school, where there’s the girls at my school have a big sleepover in the gym. I should have knew that my secret was going to be exposed because nothing stays a secret at a slumber party. Anyways, I was talking to my other hg (not the one from six flags) right, then out of nowhere she was like do u have a thing for “ml” and I’m like 😳, Apparently, her boyfriend ask her to ask me, because ml mentioned me to him. (Hg boyfriend works at the same job as ml, I already knew that, so I kinda expected him to say something to him) however it caught me off guard, so I texted him like, was is hg boyfriend asking me these questions and he’s was like “I may have mentioned you, because we work together” or something like that. Long story short, I filled hg in about what was going on ( she lowkey was geeked the whole time, but was also concerned about the rumors). Later, she’s on the phone with her boyfriend and we start talking about ml and his rumors, hg boyfriend kinda confessed that one of the rumors was true or whatever, but he was quick to mention that the ml can notice his mistakes. He said that he has to “talk” to him about some things, because he needs a better mindset or something if we actually go to date.

Me, I was going through it guys, my emotions are just swirling around because what do u mean u have to talk to him, I mentioned that he shouldn’t have to do that, and I don’t want to date someone with lots of personal issues, because I have personal issues myself and I don’t think I can handle both yk and hg boyfriend was like that a red flag, (and maybe he is right, maybe I shouldn’t be in a relationship right now) however, both of them said to give it a try, so I’m trying.

I did text him, if he was free the next morning, because I want to hang out and talk and he mentioned he off on Saturdays , but I did text him late at night, so I didn’t get a response right away. The next morning around 9 am he only said one word “maybe” and that’s it, I thought it was weird so I was like “maybe 🤨”, and he didn’t respond back even though I can still see him active on instagram, so now I’m mad because like why are playing games right now, after awhile, I was like “nvm, don’t worry about it” and he saw it 5 mins later and still didn’t respond. Now I’m just so done with this situation because I shouldn’t be stressed out, overstimulated and playing mind games, so I’m on the verge of blocking him ( another fault I have, blocking people who pissed me off bad) so in order to cool down, I took a 2 hour nap, and when I woke up he still didn’t texted even though he’s on instagram every other 10 mins ( every time I open instagram, it’s say he active)

So then I text hg, angry, saying I’m bout to block him, and she tick me off saying, if you want him, then go ahead. I’m confused, because I just said I was going to block him, and she was like sorry, and now I’m ticked off at her, because wtf is she even talking about, then she text me saying “I just think hating him came of nowhere”, this is when I regret telling her anything, because even though she’s missing context, or wasn’t given context, she not taking my side, so I texted her by saying “ nvm, forget I said anything”.

So, this is my story, maybe I’m too immature for a relationship, I want to date him, even with the weird rumors, but I want to keep our secret on the downlow because like I said I don’t want weird rumors surrounding me either. I don’t want to do everything in the relationship, so I waiting for him to makes some moves, even though it’s slowly eating on my nerves. I’m so done with being stress out about this whole situation, and I’m this close to giving up. Idk, Am I overreacting or what? Give me some wisdom my dear Reddit people!!