I feel like something is literally manipulating my active reasoning, thinking, way of life and like a different personality is trying to hijack my mind. Please help me.

A few years ago, I was getting into the world of personal development and I wanted to improve multiple different areas of my life: career, purpose, finances, relationships, physical/mental health, skills, etc. I even was seeking out religious help and getting some values from there as well. However, in the back of my mind during all of this process, I had a deep belief that I was not going to make it through to the end and achieve my goals. I kept feeling like I wasn't worth of any success that I had coming to me. I felt strong feelings of imposter syndrome, some shame and self-doubt.

As I was continuing in this downward spiral, I was developing dark imaginative scenarios where I imagined myself being humiliated and brutally tortured in ways that I don't feel comfortable about describing. I believe all of this was fueled by my subconscious mind believing that I was inferior and lacked success and didn't deserve good things to happen to me at all. So therefore, I couldn't believe that I could fight back and it's like I deserved what happened in the scenarios. As this was going on, I felt like there was a version of a higher part of my spiritual self that was under attack. As I kept on having so many vivid imaginations/mental visualizations of myself being abused and tortured, I felt like something about my exact spirit being was decreasing and getting worse. I would really feel like it is me being attacked because I would strongly identify with the person being attacked in the visions and I would feel like something in my spirit/soul/inner being is literally decreasing and getting damaged as the vision shows more bad things happening to me. I also wanted to mention that I did take a psychedelic mushrooms two years ago prior to this but nothing crazy happened immediately. I immediately felt my spiritual third eye open at the time.

I feel like a large chunk of my soul has been torn apart. I feel like I can't learn anything properly and like some other entity has filled the void in me or something. I feel like I can't function or think on my own. I feel like something is seriously controlling me a lot. I can't plan things ahead, I keep forgetting my details of my symptoms. I feel like I put myself in this spot because I was somehow torturing myself or something in my subconscious mind through my thoughts. Someone took my mind away and I can't seem to improve or adapt as a person no matter what mistakes I make. Whenever I talk to people, I feel like I am stuttering with my words and I have a hard time making incoherent sentences.

This entity or being is making it very hard for me to find help and to help myself. I feel like I am getting worse. I don't understand why. I feel like I am unable to change my life for the better. This is horrible. I can't self-reflect.

It's like what's happening to me is what happened to Nebuchadnezzar in the Bible or something. This is very tough. Ever since this happened to me, I haven't been the same. I have went to numerous mental health physicians, neurologists, and mental health therapists and nobody could find the solution to this at all. I have had multiple blood tests, multiple brain MRI scans done,(with and without contrast), COVID tests, vitamins, hormones, minerals, etc and they found nothing unusual at all. I am at a lost of words of what's happening to me. This has been ongoing. I personally am strongly against seeing any more mental health professionals because of my bad experience and reactions to medication before in the past. I have taken a medication one time in the past and I had to go to the emergency room twice because I was about to be paralyzed without help. It was a horrible traumatic experience. Another experience with medication happened in my early youth and that was me having blunted emotions but I came out of that.