My boyfriend said he’d be intimate with another woman if I died — then left me crying after our date

Hi everyone, I (25F) have been dating my boyfriend (24M) for about a year. I loved him deeply — truly with my whole heart. I always saw him as my future husband. Even though we weren’t married yet, I already felt like he was my “forever.”

A few days ago, I asked him something — half jokingly, half affectionately — “If I died, if would he ever marry someone else and act in the same way we do” I wasn’t expecting a logical, cold answer. I just wanted something sweet or comforting, like “no one could ever replace you.”

Instead, he said yes, he would. He said he’d marry another woman and be intimate with her because “it would be unfair for her otherwise.” I was even feeling like I would probably live till my last breath single for the sake of my love for him. He said it is your personal choice, I don't have such choices , I want a woman to share my life with and travel

That completely shattered me.

After this, I was sad even though I know what I asked was immature. He left me on the road while I was crying after our date and got on a bus to go home, leaving me alone. I was heartbroken, and that moment showed a profound lack of respect and empathy for my feelings.

Later, when I called him telling him I just needed a shoulder to cry on, he said:

“I’m not the punching bag of everyone. If you want a place to cry, get a pillow.”

Then he ended the message saying:

“The question you asked is immature and stupid. From now on, I’ll go full silent and focus on my goals. You can go f*** yourself if you want drama.”

I know his answer was “logical” — that people move on after loss. But emotionally, it broke me. I didn’t ask for a rational answer. I asked because I wanted to feel special. Instead, he made me feel replaceable.

It violated my entire vision of commitment. I saw him as my husband already — my forever love. But to him, our “forever” was only until death.

Now, I feel disgusted even thinking about our intimacy. Not because of him as a person, but because it feels like something he could just do with another woman if I wasn’t around. The connection that once felt sacred now feels ordinary — and that hurts in a way I can’t describe.

I still love him, but I feel broken. He doesn’t comfort me when I cry. He dismisses my pain as “drama.” Even though I gave him my whole heart, he treated my love like it was disposable.

Also, His mom is also jealous of our relationship. She doesn’t want him to marry me or leave the house after marriage. She wants to do same the things with my boyfriend that he does with me. Her relationship with her husband is not good , So she expects all the love and attention from my boyfriend, I am the girlfriend who will become his wife, The love for mom is different than what you have for girlfriend, So I do not want her to compete with me, I just want her to understand our positions in his life.

On top of this, he is jobless right at the moment, after the internship he did not try to get a job, and he is bit playful and says that he does not want to get married soon and he wants to enjoy boyhood after earning money. I often try to cover expenses for our dates, he also pays but most of the time I try to cover expenses cause I do not want him to feel bad about not having money, I even buy him gifts like cloths shoes and other things he likes, He used to bring me handmade gifts on dates, now he doesn't bring them too, He has never bought me anything and I don't even expect but I would be happy if he could at least bring me a hair clip or a plastic ring. Usually in my country, the man pays for dates, but since he doesn’t have money, I even gave him my credit card so he wouldn’t feel embarrassed in front of the cashier. I am with him at his wore.

I feel lost, unwanted, and deeply disappointed. I am seeing a lot of red flags in himself and his family,I don't even know if he is gonna defend me one day from the problems that his mom would cause. I’m struggling to process all of this and just needed to share my experience and know your ideas

TL;DR: My boyfriend said he’d be intimate with another woman if I died, left me crying after our date, and dismissed my feelings. He’s jobless, I cover expenses, and his mom is jealous and controlling. I feel deeply hurt, disgusted, and unsure how to move forward, but I love him deeply.

Could you please give me an advice