just got ilr last month but my boyfriend’s dad keeps saying it doesn’t matter

with all the immigration law changes happening in the uk, my family just received indefinite leave to remain (ilr) last month.

for anyone unfamiliar, ilr is a uk immigration status that lets you live, work, and study in the uk permanently without time limits. it’s basically the step before british citizenship.

my boyfriend and his family are also immigrants. his mom has eu settlement, and his dad went through the same ilr process my family did. when i first met his dad, that was the first thing we talked about. at first it was nice because he knew a lot about the process and shared what they went through, which helped me understand what my mom needed when we were applying.

for context, my mom came to the uk in 2019 and my dad and i followed about 10 months later. my bf, his brother and his mom came in 2017, and his dad followed in 2018. you usually have to live in the uk for 5 years before applying for ilr. but with the new prime minister, there were rumors that the requirement might change to 10 years.

back in june, my boyfriend’s dad told me we should apply asap before the changes happened. i told him we weren’t yet eligible and were still saving up. the ilr fee is £3,029 per person, so for me and my dad that’s about £6,000 (my mom had already applied earlier in february). he told me to just take out a loan, but my mom refused. she said she’d only take a loan for a mortgage. and honestly, i didn’t take his advice seriously anyway because he’s already drowning in credit card debt.

fast forward to september, we finally got our ilr. my family was over the moon because this means we can apply for british citizenship next year once the 12 months are up.

then last thursday i went to my boyfriend’s place for dinner, and his dad brought up the immigration topic again. that’s literally all he ever talks to me about. i told him we got our ilr, and he just said, “it doesn’t matter.” i was honestly so pissed off. it feels like nothing i ever say is good enough for him. just because he got his citizenship through his wife doesn’t mean he gets to belittle what we’ve achieved.

he told me again to apply as soon as possible, and i explained (again) that since i’m 22 and not married to a british citizen, i have to wait 12 months after ilr before applying for citizenship.

later that night i was chatting with my boyfriend’s brother and mom about how my family’s moving soon because we’re getting a shared ownership mortgage. i was really happy to share that, but his dad jumped in again, saying how he “doesn’t believe in shared ownership” and started criticizing it. i just stopped responding at that point because what’s the point?

i don’t understand why he always has to make me feel small. i’m proud of what my family and i have accomplished. i’m studying dentistry, we worked hard for years to get to this point, and yet he still acts like none of it matters. i don’t know if it’s just his attitude, jealousy, or maybe because i’m from the philippines, but it really hurts.

i’m so tired of pretending it doesn’t bother me. i just needed to let this out somewhere.