found a small cat on the street. had to put him to sleep (medical euthanasia)

I’m 13. was walking with my friend near her home, it was around 20:00-21:00 (i need to be home at 22:00). we sam a small kitten walking, or more like crawling to us. i gently picked him up, he weighed almost nothing. he had dirt and pus on his face. we couldn’t leave him on the street, so we took it to my friends home. we tried gently removing the dirt and pus from his face, and i accidentally pressed near his left eye to remove some dirt and then, white pus came out of his eye i was f**king terrified. we found a vet clinic near us that worked in the night and went there but because we are broke and our parents couldn’t drive us there, we hopped on a bus to the vet. i prayed while holding the kitten and trying not to fall over. at about 21:40-21:50 we were at the clinic. the doc did an inspection on the kitten, all the basics and then, he (doc) listened to the kittys heart. called over the nurse for him to listen too. after a few minutes, the doctor said that the kitten had arrhythmia, herpes virus disease and purulent discharge all over the face and no eyes. they didn’t develop, and would not in the future the kitten needed an operation to live properly. and even with that, it’d be hard. again, i’m broke. i could not afford an operation even to myself, only if it’s really critical. the other option was to do euthanasia. i agreed because i didn’t know what else to do. i had 5k, but the euthanasia costed 10k (tenge) i had to call my mom and she started arguing and saying that she could treat the cat. eventually, my dad sends me 5k and i pay for the euthanasia while trying to hold my tears. i held the cat to my chest while tears rolled down my cheeks, saying that he was the bravest cat ever and that i loved him. the doc came and i went outside, now having a full mental breakdown, full on sobbing. after ≈15 minutes the doc came out and said that it was over, and that he went away fine. i said thank you, walked away, and started sobbing again walked home still crying sitting while writing this and still crying i’m so sad that the kitten didnt get to even eat something yummy, didnt get to walk properly, didnt get to even see the world

i can’t even tell anyone about it. like not even my parents, siblings or friends. reddit is the only place where i feel like i can say about this. i dont seek any validation from anyone, not support. just wanted to pour it all out. i hope no one ever get to feel this. it’s so strange. like, it’s not my cat, i didnt live my whole live with this kitten. but… yeah