Ghosted again. Advice needed: should I stop putting effort and focus entirely on my career and self

Context, im a mentally ill woman who has experienced various forms of abuse, including csa (this last leaves me unsure if i could even have sex without panic attacks). Theres various factors that make me a very unappealing choice to anyone without ill intentions. I put a lot of value on human relationships (platonic ones too ofc). Over the years ive participated in lots of events, organisations, sports and genuinely put a lot of effort in getting out of my comfort zone. Long story short: never been reached out to again to by friends (close and not), always one sided efforts, 2 situationships that heavily failed as neither wanted to take it next level despite wanting to stay friends.

I dont like working or solitude, but at the very least one somewhat pays off my efforts. I got my degree and a job. They dont make me laugh or feel good like a sincere human connedtion, but they allow me to gaslight myself into thinking im fairing ok. My country's economy is shit, but i have half a mind of using the next 8 months on hyperspecialising myself on robotics and other things and just work myself into a state in which my solitude becomes numb. Maybe do art or take hobbies more intensively. Maybe pour my entire soul on the gamble of emigration. I wont achieve happiness for sure, but no efforts ever paid off. I know if I stop trying and being the one to approach it's like giving up, but i cant handle the pain of all the half assed connections i ever had. Ive never experienced pure joy of being with someone that makes me happy. Either way im unhappy, i just wanted to hear if someone else made this decision and whetever self accomplishment balanced out the pain of chronic solitude a little. Thank you and take care everyone