⚠️Rape!!!

Hello, Good evening or good morning. ⚠️TW:Rape!!!

I, old enough to be on here and nonbinary, have enough of hiding.

I've been raped by my boyfriend in the German winter holidays. This happened nearly 3 years ago and i still hate him for it. Let's call him Kai. Kai lived 4 hours away from me and i, still, live in a small city somewhere in Germany. I didn't notice for the first year, how manipulative, abusive and toxic Kai was for me. He actively loved bombed me, manipulated me and mentally abused me. I can't remember all of it but i remember the important (in my POV) information.

So it was our 1 year anniversary and we wanted to celebrate it together by meeting up in my city and spend time with each other. That didn't happen. Not really at least. Everything we did was laying in bed. Kai was watching something on his phone. I had everything planned for the evening just to cancel our restaurant seat because he wanted "to have some fun" with me in the hotel. Oh boy was i naive and innocent. Well, turned out that guy pinned me on that disgusting bed in that hotel room, taking my clothes off and raped me. The thing is he is or was trans and used the adult toys of his mother to have said "fun" with me. I'm not sure if they were used before but either way it was disgusting. I was so stiff and shocked in that moment. When he finally let me get dressed again everything hurt and i felt so disgusting and i wanted to cry so bad. So i just said i wasn't feeling well and went home. Did i tell my parents? No. I was still scared, too scared. Younger me did the mistake and stayed with Kai for another 5 months before younger me finally saw what type of guy Kai was and broke up with him.

Now i don't want attention or pity for this. I got over it and I have professional help on my side. I'm in good hands and I'm finally dealing woth this trauma.