My Experience (you could say)

I already posted this somewhere else but I thought I would post it here also so here we go: First of all, it is kinda a long story but I won't mention all the details here. I am 25M and I live in Syria. I graduated from Medicine last year and now I am a medical resident. During my college years I suffered from mental issues including hallucinations and depression (you could say schizophrenia) and that was really hard for me. All my life I was bullied and did not have a lot of friends. I also never had a gf or anything like that. Currently I am in poverty because of the economic situation and my favourite time of the day is when I am sleeping because I am not feeling anything. I currently have no friends, no social life, nothing, and when I am at work I can easily feel like I am the least favourite person all the time. The hallucinations stopped a couple years ago but the depression and my hate for myself and my life never did. Death is the only way out however I do not know how to get it done. I need at least a shotgun or something because otherwise it would be very difficult to do and I do not know where to get that here. What do you think?