I hate my grandpa

my grandpa right now enjoys being a burden, he had opportunities for decent jobs abroad but he was too afraid of life and preferred to stay in a town far from the hand of god with my grandmother who came from a rich family but when she left with him she lost everything now he lost a leg and I am the main responsible for taking care of him and I am fed up I could go to college but here I am on the verge of suicide he was afraid and this is his punishment he could have had a job in Seattle but he chose to stay in Mexico and because of him my grandmother instead of going to college like her sisters she spent her life having children that didn't even finish school, and I have no options because this town has no jobs and the schools in my country do not give full scholarships, I want to die with every fiber of my body but I am too afraid of death