11 days post op, feeling sad and violated. Rant

To start, I know I should be grateful for the treatment and the surgeons. I had a dermoid cyst and endometrioma on my right ovary. It was quite large, the endometrioma measured at 16cm x 16 cm x 10cm, and the dermoid was 6 cm x 5 cm x 7cm; at least that's what my ultrasound showed. However, after surgery, they said the size was 10-12cm in diameter (that part doesn't really matter, though). My surgeon was a specialist and really believed he could save my ovary; he kept reassuring me every appointment leading up. He tried his best to save my ovary, but the cyst was so large and had infiltrated my ovary that it was too hard to get clean borders. So they ended up removing the ovary and fallopian tube as well. I still have one ovary, but I feel really sad too that my other ovary was removed. I know women go through bilateral oophorectomies and hysterectomies all the time, but I still feel very sad that my ovary was taken. They also removed about 5 areas with endometriosis, mostly superficial, two with deep endo.

Also, I should have known because i was having my surgery at a university hospital, but right before surgery, 30 minutes after I had been given gabapentin (i had never had this before and was starting to feel very loopy, i had also only had 3 1/5 hours of sleep), my doctor came by with 3 fellows/interns who would be observing during the surgery. I asked them how many others would be observing, and the one surgical fellow seemed confused and offended that I didn't really want a bunch of strangers to view my surgery. She then told me that 2 other fellows would also be viewing the surgery, and that would probably be it for my surgery, which didn't give me much confidence. I feel like this is unethical; shouldn't they tell you and get consent before surgery and before you are given medication? I hate how it was just assumed it would be okay; they didn't even ask.

Also, I was never told that tools would be inserted into my vagina during the surgery. During the pre-op appointment, when I asked for the steps involved during the surgery, I was never told they would be doing this. I feel like that's a huge violation. Especially since I felt like I had been assaulted down there afterwards, and it felt sore for a little over a week. I know why they needed to do it now, but I would have liked to have been informed that they were going to do this.

Hopefully, posting and talking about what happened will help me feel better.