AITA for breaking up with my ex Fiancé hours after another guy asked me out?

AITA for breaking up with my ex Fiancé hours after another guy asked me out?

(Not real names)

I 24F was engaged to Aaron 24M for 2 years, together for 3.5 years. Aaron and I met at work and within a month we started dating. Fast forward to the situation, another coworker of mine, Jared 19M asked me out and I said yes.

Over the past year, my fiancé, which I proposed to, suddenly isolated himself from pretty much everyone. We still worked in the same retail job since we met and even lived together for 2 years. Due to some family issues and past trauma, Aaron stopped going to work and would only go just enough to not get fired. He was already part time and didn’t drive while I was full time and had a car to get around. I would pick up extra shifts at work to get overtime just to cover all the bills since he was going through so much. I didn’t mind it at first since I was a known workaholic since before we were together and previously lived on my own and had my own savings and good credit.

He lived with his parents, then with his brother and sister in law until they had their niece and wanted to move into a bigger place. That happened 1.5 years into our relationship, where I agreed to leave my small, one bedroom apartment for his current 2 bedroom house he was still renting after his brother and family moved out. Anyways, with his family problems and traumas, which I knew about before we had a relationship, he stopped going to work, he stopped doing chores, which were 50-50, and eventually stopped talking to me about his problems. He even stopped taking care of the animals, which was his favorite thing to do (we have 3 cats, and 2 dogs).

I started to feel the overwhelming stress of taking care of everything, and without his help in the bills, all my savings were drained, so I was living paycheck to paycheck. During this time I decided to also change my schedule to work nights since they paid more, which Arron also switched too, but still rarely showed up. During these times he wouldn’t show up, I would still eat alone, since we are both loners, in the corner instead of the lunchroom. But one day, another associate had the desk I would normally sit at blocked off, so I had to sit in the break room. I mainly sat in the corner with my gaming device and ate my food while others talked around me.

Eventually a few associates came over and sat near me. 2 girls and a guy. The guy was Jared, and I found out it was his birthday, he asked everyone to guess his age. Most answers were in thirties or forties, but I guessed mid to late twenties and he shocked everyone saying he was only 19. He was the youngest guy on the team and had already been there for 2 years. I was there for 6 years, mostly on days, so I didn’t know him until I got on nights. I do admit he was attractive, in the way that he was taking well care of himself.

But I was uninterested since I was a loner and engaged already. Plus the age difference seemed weird. But after that day I regularly sat in the lunch room with the three of them, except when Aaron worked. Eventually, the 2 girls got fired and most lunches I spent with Jared. Absolutely no romantic interest between us since we were both nerds watching movies on lunches. This went on for 6 months, with him becoming my one and only friend and very supportive.

I did tell Arron about my friendship with Jared and he was fine with it, since I previously mentioned out my friends in high school were male and I also have two older brothers. I was also fairly overweight, from stress and Aaron preferred larger women, so he never worried about me cheating. But as soon as he stopped talking to me he also started to manipulate me emotionally the few times we did interact by getting me to call out just to spend time with him when he did need support, but calls me lazy after when we don’t get enough on my paycheck. Although I made the money, I wasn’t tech-savvy, so I usually sent him the money to pay the bills since they were already in his name.

The stress eventually got to me around the time Jared went on vacation. Even though we were friends for over 6 months already, I never got his phone number, so I couldn’t even message him through my rough patch. I began to give my scenario as a “hypothetical situation” to ask family and coworkers what they would do in the situation.

My dad came into town that week (he lives on the opposite coast from me) and when I explained the situation, he said he could have me move in with him immediately, if I needed the help. So I asked everyone about if they would up and leave or stay in that situation. I asked over 30 people and they all said they would leave. But that didn’t sit right with me. I valued everyone that I asked and their opinions and they all gave valid points, but it bothered me that I didn’t get to ask Jared his opinion. By the end of the week, I was finally realizing how important Jared was to me. I had noticed the absence of him was too stressful on me.

I came into work on a Saturday to get extra time in that week and while listening to some music, a song just broke me. I had realized that I fell in love with Jared. Even that realization, I cried so hard at work of all places, luckily I was working an aisle by myself and I sobbed for hours. That really hit me like a brick out of nowhere. But what hurt the most was that I still loved Aaron and didn’t want to end that relationship that, in which I spent 3.5 years with, I asked him out and I proposed. Even though he stressed me out so much, I wanted to make it work.

Arron is also my first relationship, and we already had everything, in idea-form, ready for the wedding, but we lacked the money. I thought in this moment that even if I could be in a relationship with Jared, since realistically, I am a fat 290 pound, 5 foot, obese woman, 5 years older than his 6 foot, very handsome, muscular almost zero body fat self, it didn’t seem possible to ever be in a relationship with him since he was out of my league by miles.

With that, since I’ve had many male friends in the past, I figured I could either fix things with Aaron, and still be friends with Jared, or break it off and move in with my dad across the country and somehow get Jared’s number to stay in contact. But that Saturday was the last day I could decide what to do. My dad was leaving Monday morning and Jared wasn’t coming back till Tuesday. So despite all the stress Aaron was causing me, I decided to stay until I got Jared’s opinion. Once I returned home, I pulled Aaron aside letting him know about my feelings for Jared. I wanted to be fair and upfront right from the start with him because the splitting heartache was killing me.

Aaron, of course wasn’t happy with me but didn’t yell or get mad. Part of those previous traumas he had was part of an abusive relationship he had before me, so he mostly remained calm as I explained my feelings. He, of course, requested I limited the time I spent with Jared, especially alone time. It was also his idea to “take a break” for a few weeks so I could clear my head of the situation. Now we still slept in the same bed during this time since we only had the one, but we didn’t cuddle or kiss or really interact too much. He also decided it was a good time to go back to work more, probably to keep an eye on me.

Since he was part time, he worked 3 days a week, while I worked 5 days, 6 sometimes when I want overtime. So whenever Aaron was at work, I sat in the corner with him, while the other days that he wasn’t there and Jared was, I would continue to eat and watch movies with Jared. Around this time we also got a new associate named Rick, that easily befriended Jared, and the three of us would spend lunch together. When Jared returned from his vacation, I asked him about the scenario, which he already knew about my situation since I told him previously, he said he would leave. But he also explained he has only lived at home with his parents and his opinion shouldn’t be considered since he didn’t have the experience to relate to it.

Nearing the end of the two weeks, I was blindsided when Jared asked me to be his girlfriend. That completely came out of left field since as I previously mentioned, I am not that attractive and the age gap really made me feel like I would be judge for that. But I still said yes because I knew it was a one time opportunity. Over the two week break I really fell out of love for Aaron. I knew my family really like him but the stress was unbearable. I was so unhappy with my body because of the weight so whenever I tried to diet, Aaron always would say “you’re fine the way you are” or “skinny doesn’t always mean beautiful” just to guilt me into keeping my weight.

Our last discussion about my weight, one week prior, is what really threw me out of his corner. I think with that, I was less miserable at work and maybe Jared liked that I was happier. But I said yes because I knew how good Jared was in the short time I knew him. For a younger guy, he was so well mannered and I just enjoyed being around him. This was my one selfish thing I chose for myself. But I admit, the timing wasn’t great. I was hoping to end it with Aaron and then work only on myself to eventually getting with Jared later, maybe a year or two down the road. So he asked me out around lunchtime, and as soon as I got home, I let Aaron know that I was breaking up with him. Unfortunately we just renewed our lease a month back since neither of us could afford to move out so until the end of my lease I lived with my ex, in separate rooms of course.

So, AITA for breaking up with my ex fiancé hours after another guy asked me out?

Update and info: this story took place in 2022. Jared and I are happily married. I simply wanted opinions about whether or not my actions were considered “cheating.”

I still work with both of them. I avoid Aaron like the plague. I’ve switched shifts to stay away and he changed his to be closer to mine. He started a new relationship and she is fairly aggressive towards us. But I would occasionally hear her complain about the same things that I did about Aaron, so clearly I knew he wouldn’t never change.

I live with Jared and my in-laws so saving money for a house is the goal. I just wish my management can make it so Aaron and I don’t see each other at all.