a guy with insecurities

so as you see i am guy 21 years old...i have a big very big problem is the self confidence...ok i have been bullied nearly my entire teenage years because i was fat..then i became fit like at 17 18 years very fit like abs and stuff ....i felt a huge change in terms of relationships with people..the looks changed.girls start look at me and i am like new in this world i didn't understand nothing but for sure something insided changed the fact that i start not giving a single damn about people its like a revenge in my mind anyways the next year i gained a lot of muscular mass and i discovered i have a broad shoulders wide chest and back in fact i didn't even know that those things attract womenso women start like touch my back in the public transport...and when i talk to them they start touch my shoulder as i am speaking anyways i just want to tell you about my history...so in the recent 2 years icuts gym because i move out and it become difficult to have time for gym...so i gained like some fatni lost some muscles it feels like hell...and yes i have big insecurity and its shamful as it sounds i have like a big glutes ...it like have two sacks full of water i feel in each jeans i wear i start to think does it look big does my ass moves like crazy hahahah its weird but true...i don't even know what to ask you .....it feels like a combination of insecurities that makes me wanna stay home...and another topic is girls....i feels girls look at me but i don't even consider myself as attractive sometime in front of the mirror maybe hahaha but i am not special...i have never been complimented...a girl once telled me i have a muscular face 😂😂...that what i got never been complimented but i get girls look at me maybe i am delusional i don't know you guys can tell anyways if someone has sth that i can benefit from it please go ahead