CMV: ANDY COHEN IS MORE TALENTED THAN ANDY SERKIS

I don’t get the Andy Serkis thing. Hollywood put him in a wetsuit, stuck dots on his face, and decided he was reinventing acting; is what people are calling great talent now? He’s got wires hanging off his face, a camera shoved under his chin, and a crew trying to take it seriously while he talks like a baby goblin into a microphone. Then a year later the computer team finishes the job and everyone claps.

He’s probably a nice guy, but the whole performance capture mess feels like a science project that got out of hand. You could swap him with another guy of similar height and the animators would fix it in post. Yet every interview he gives sounds like he’s on Inside The Actor’s Studio.

Andy Cohen, for all his nonsense, actually connects with people. Half his job is sitting across from a Real Housewife and keeping a straight face while she melts down about a birthday party. It takes good timing, genuine-ness, and a kind of instinct Serkis doesn’t have. Cohen knows exactly what his show is and doesn’t pretend it’s high art. He’s in the business of spectacle and doesn’t hide from it.

I’d rather watch Cohen poke at a guest for ten minutes than sit through Serkis’ new gigs where he’s Alfred now, the voice of humanity, helping Batman find his way.

Serkis gets money for pretending to be a monkey. Cohen gets people to act like monkeys for free. The choice is clear, the not so talented Andy Cohen is many times more talented than Andy Serkis.

Get your stinking acting off my television you damned dirty Serkis!