I hate how clingy and needy I am

Hello everyone. I just feel broken, and very depressed today. I can't share this with anyone else, so I guess I'll share this here. Two abusive relationships ruined me. I don't have flashbacks, or nightmares or any of the classic symptoms, but I have a pervasive feeling of unworthiness. Of brokenness.

I prevented myself from finding a relationship for years because I didn't feel that anyone could love me. But this entire time I've felt so desperate for love. I've felt so desperate for love but I kept feeling not worthy, not enough, too damaged. I prevented myself from dating for years. On top of this, I have BPD. So I love hard and I feel things very deeply. I grow attached to people so much, even more now that I feel desperate and longing for that kind of connection. But now a man loves me, but he seems very controlling. He is giving me a lot of love and care, but he's wanting me to do things I'm not yet ready to do. But at the same time, he's kind and loving. I'm really desperate for love, and I don't want to be abused again, but I don't want to be alone. I need help, because I don't know what to do and I have no one to turn to. I am tired of standing on the outside looking at everyone else have happy relationships that I've denied myself for so long because I feel worthless, but I don't want to be hurt. I feel conflicted and really depressed.

I just want to cling to someone, to feel safe and loved in their arms. But I don't feel like I am good enough. I don't feel worthy enough. I don't feel like I'm ENOUGH.