Need help with my 7th grade son

Hi All. My son (autism, adhd, anxiety) is 12 and in his second year of middle school and having a very hard time. School has been hard since preschool tbh. We’ve been through all the testing and diagnoses and he’s at one point had every acronym, adhd, odd, DMDD….. Last year he was finally diagnosed with autism and that seems to finally be the answer to many questions. (He was ruled out for it at age four, obviously a mistake)

Anyway, middle school has been our biggest challenge so far. He has huge meltdowns and makes threats to himself and others when they are happening. We’ve been through dozens of threat assessments since elementary school and no one believes he means them. But it’s obviously a huge problem. Nothing seems to help. Meds, therapy, punishments, incentives…nothing. To the point now I’m meeting with the district next week and I think they are going to recommend he be put in an intensive outpatient program instead. I am devastated for him. He is a sweet, wonderful kid 95% of the time and despite his meltdowns he has so many staff and teachers that love him. He has struggled to make friends his whole life and now finally has one at school. He is going to be heartbroken to be taken away from him.

I’m not even sure why I’m writing here but I guess I’m looking for similar experiences or reassurance that it will be ok or that this will be what finally helps him. I love him so much and just want him to be happy and safe. Thank you for reading.