Emotional intelligence curse. . .. being wounded .......and also needing connection.

I wrote about not being able to read social cues a while back. but also, emotional intelligence is a kind of curse to me.

I'm very emotionally aware, conscious and intelligent that I can tell or guess your character and life and behavior from our first interaction either physically or just having a conversation on phone.

it's also a curse because I tend to also know what your character or whatever is wrong with you is as result of and most of it i can do nothing about because it might take a lot of things to fix and the person themselves being ready to fix but also it affects me negatively emotionally and mentally because i can't do anything about it and might end up not keeping tight connections with you so that I don't see through your issues.

another curse is i mostly end up in bad relationships because even though i know their character, i know what they lack also so i tend to Kling to the hope that i can be there for them and fix the holes and try to make them better or comfortable with who they are but end up being the one giving grace and them only taking and taking and them hurting me in return and hope that they may become better keeping me there because I know what their problem is and because I can't fix it for them so i walk on eggshells in the relationship or friendship and it becomes very exhausting.

This has made it hard for me to open up and connect with people emotionally I accommodate people because I know what they need and how they need it without them having to explain or tell me but it's exhausting being the only one who can do that and no one ever doing it back for you, even though you don't do it to get something back, it's just lonely to often get lack of understanding, cruelty and alone when you need some connection or are sick or really need people in your life.

The other thing is I can and often simplify emotions into words or oversimplify explanations to people so that they understand to a point people think I'm defensive or I'm don't think they are intelligent enough to understand what I'm saying.

it has led many people thinking I'm stronger than i actually am and I'm really craving connection. sometimes i know i can't trust a person long-term but because I'm so alone i create a dilution in my head to accept them so I'm not craving connection that much. I can't fit everything here but that's how i feel.

ITS REALLY HARD.

SORRY ITS LONG.