help needed :)

i'm going to be completely honest in this post. if you do not feel comfortable reading this, please do not.

i am a sec 1 kid on a throwaway account. i may/may not respond to the comments.

i'm addicted to porn. i goon to it in the bathroom with my laptop. my parents really hate it that i do this. my mom says i shouldnt bring my laptop into the bathroom because she says she brought my laptop for me to study and for school. and every time she says it i always feel like a piece of shit. after every time she does this all i REALLY wanna do is kms but one time i went to the window but i just couldnt jump. i really js wanted to vent to someone but i'm really lonely and there's no one who i really feel safe with. my only escape is really playing video games. my parents take away my laptop a lot of the time so i really dont have anything to do. when i dont have my laptop i just take my dads laptop and i either yap on discord or read reddit threads. my mom when she's scolding me she always cries and it really makes me want to kms. i really dont want to talk to them about my feelings because every time i have tried to i just end up crying and i cant say anything without them calling me weak. my dad doesnt guilt trip me and he just shouts at me. even my sister snitches on me whenever im playing games and it really makes me wanna kms. i feel like i dont have anyone who i can really truly trust because my family does ts to me and i dont feel comfortable with strangers. my elder sister always is outshining me. she got like 1 a star and 3 a1s for eoys this year. i havent gotten my results yet, will get tomorrow, but i know im not gonna do as good as her. i js know my parents are gonna be disappointed in me. i dont really study because i legit cant. i'm too addicted to gaming and watching p*rn. please, anyone, if you've gone through something like this PLEASE i beg you help me out here.
its been 20 minutes since i started typing this out. my face is wet with tears. this is the first time i've really been able to get all of my thoughts out. i'm sorry if stuff is unclear in parts or worded weird but im in a bad mental rn.