Hardest week of my life. Just left my girlfriend of 4 years…

Hi guys. So I (22M) made a post two days ago, saying I took the decision to leave my gf of 4 years because she admitted to having sex with a guy.

Background: met her in my first year of uni. Beautiful girl, made my world go crazy nice. We fell in love, her parents took me into their care (my parents live abroad). And we basically lived together for three years, I eventually got my apartment, and she would stay a couple of months with me. The relationship was basically “too” perfect, rarely argued, always went on beautiful dates. I made her discover the place where I grew up (Hong Kong), and discovered most of Asia and Europe with her. Everything was so perfect. When my friends asked me how it was being in a relationship so long I always said “she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me”. I always cared about her, couldn’t wait to call her to hear her voice. She lit up my life. She was basically the reason I was happy with my life. I gave her everything I had.

Basically, she had to do an exchange semester from September to January. I told her to go to Shanghai, knowing China, I knew she would have a good time. Uni was hard for her here. It pained me to tell her to go, but I wanted what was best for her. She left last month, and two weeks ago I realised she wasn’t texting or calling as much, and always going out to night clubs with her friend group. I didn’t mind as I wasn’t worried and knew she was happy doing so. The next day, she called me, crying saying she hugged a guy that was into her when drunk and felt horrible about it. She couldn’t not see him as he was in her class and friend group. She just told me she wouldn’t talk to him and didn’t care about that guy, and that she loved me. I did everything I could to try and fix this, called her a bit more everyday, even 1 minute from time to time to check how she was doing.

Then, about a week ago, she called and said she kissed this same guy. And felt horrible about it (again). I was meant to go see her in 3 days. I felt something was off and was suffering so much I couldn’t understand how she could have done that. And 3 days ago, she admitted, by me knowing something was up, that she had sex with him that same night. I ended it there. Fell to the ground, and cried like someone announced to me that she just died. I was so shocked (still am). I called her parents, went to get my stuff and drop off her stuff an hour later. They were both crying and took me in their arms. As soon as I went into her room, I collapsed and cried so damn much. It’s where everything started, where I had my first time with her, where we spent hundreds of nights hugging in love. All for it to finish this way.

It’s been 48h since I haven’t talked to her. She hasn’t even messaged or tried to call me. I feel like she wanted me to end it. I don’t get it. How can someone change so much in a month? I knew her better than I knew myself. I knew something was off the day she was about to announce she cheated. I knew her too well for me to accept this happened.

I’m so lost, I feel like I’ve lost everything. I had future plans in my head for her and I. I wanted to marry her and spoil her and have kids together. I don’t get it. It’s so tough. Every thing reminds me of her, every single space in my apartment brings back memories that just destroy me.

If you have lived through this, how have you overcome it? It’s destroying me from the inside.

I love this girl so much. I couldn’t have loved her more and done more than I did.

Thank you for taking the time to read. It makes me feel better writing and hearing your feedback, it really helps.