I used to be a hopeless romantic. Now I have commitment issues

After a failed marriage where my ex-husband abandoned me out of the blue, surviving a narcissistic abuser, and 3 rounds of “intentional dating” only to settle on a guy who told me he was aromantic after 8 dates and after I’d become emotionally invested, I fear that I am damaged beyond repair.

I used to love love. It was my favorite thing to think/daydream about. Now it sends me into a complete panic. I stopped dating for a few months and for the first time in my life, found contentment in being intentionally single.

I recently met this guy, however, and I told him that I’m struggling with dating and romantic relationships rn, and that if we were to ever try it, we’d have to take things extremely slow. He agreed to do just that.

We had our first date scheduled for tonight and I have tried to cancel it twice already. The first time was because I had a full blown panic attack last week thinking about it, and then I panicked again last night thinking about it and feeling like we had incompatible communication styles. We ended up cancelling the date and agreeing to just chat more, but I cannot shake this feeling of fear.

I have made peace with the fact that there is no one out there for me. I have particular needs/standards that only leave me open to unicorn men (e.g., Christian liberals), and I’m not willing to settle for the sake of not being lonely - especially now that I’ve found contentment in singleness.

This guy seems promising. However, I don’t think I’m genuinely ready or willing to make myself vulnerable again only to be disappointed at the end. The guy who eventually told me he was aromantic was THE most promising man I’ve ever dated 🙃I have dated/chatted with SO many men and have been disappointed by them all in some way or another. I’m having a hard time convincing myself that this time will be different.