I had a dream that I ended my life, and the relief scared me

I had a dream that I hung myself. There was some fear, but mostly… relief. Ironically, it felt like I could finally exhale after holding my breath for years. Like a huge weight had been lifted off me.

When I woke up, that feeling disappeared instantly. Reality came crashing back and in its place was disappointment. Disappointed that it wasn’t real. That the courage I felt in the dream wasn’t real.

What scares me most is how peaceful it felt. I expected fear, regret, panic but instead, it was calm. I don’t know what that says about where my mind is at, but it’s been sitting with for some time now.