Airpods popup doesnt show up / inconsistent connection

In December I lost an Airpod (Pro Gen 2), and then randomly the right one stopped working, and wouldn't pair so you need both.

So I got a replacement, and now the popup to set them up does not show up at all. It shows up on everyone else's phone, as well as all the phones in the Apple store, but not mine. I CAN connect through Bluetooth, but it comes up as Airpods Pro (Find My) and it's unusably inconsistent with when it wants to connect.

More than once I've been walking somewhere pissing about with them putting them in and out the case and by the time they've started working I've reached my destination.

I've forgotten them and reconnected countless times, I've tried updating, resetting the Airpods completely and nothing I've seen online seems to work, and I'm especially annoyed that I've spent £80 on a product that does not function properly.