Booked a tattoo

Started a therapy group for CPTSD and had second meeting yesterday. Psychiatrist appointment this morning. I am struggling with the dichotomy of having so much compassion and empathy for the others and none for myself even though there are experiences we have in common. I have had intense anxiety, been unable to leave the house for days and have poor hygiene and diet. I want to feel. I want to hurt. We already don't have sharps in the kitchen or bathroom. I booked a tattoo on my walk back from the doctor. It's a small one as cost but I hope the idea keeps me clean.