My wife(f27) and I (33m) are stuck in a bad arguing habit. Does anyone have advice on how to resolve this issue?

So whenever my wife(f27) and I(33m) I have an argument this underlying theme plays out. If she brings up something that has been bothering her she says I always need to defend it instead of just listening to the issue and hearing her. Now she’s guilty of this too. I can’t seem to ever express how something she does makes me feel bad without her defending it in someway.

So basically we both feel like we’re not being heard. If there is any advice anyone can give to break this cycle that would be awesome!

To;dr trying to break an arguing habit.