I'm so sick of ruminating and trying to heal

For weeks I haven't thought about anything else but my ex and attachment theory. I'm sick of it and I wan't to start living again. I want to be able to relax, do hobbies and be interested in other close people in my life. It's like I'm in this bubble of misery and no amount of sunlight can break trough. Why can't I just forgive, forget and move on.

And I know.. "It's gonna happen. It will get better." I know! But do I really need to be in this headspace every fucking day until then.

Why do I feel the need to be able to understand everything and analyze his and my own behavior. Why do I suddenly need to heal and change and think so badly. Cuz that's growth.. I know. But fuck it.

I just wish for a day I don't scroll reddit posts and avoidant videos or any of that. Just my own interests, smile and a light heart.