I think I failed my dog

Rocky is 7 now. I got him from the shelter when he was 2. They said he came from being chained up outside most of his life. I thought love and training would fix everything.

He’s always been reactive. Other dogs, strangers, loud noises, anything really. I’ve tried trainers, meds, different routines, everything people tell you to try. Sometimes he improves, but then he’s back at it. Lunging, barking, just… out of control.

I’ve built my whole life around him. I walk him at night so we don’t run into anyone. I don’t go on trips. Friends stopped inviting me places because I always say no. And I keep telling myself it’s worth it because when he’s home with me he’s so gentle. Sleeps by me every night, follows me everywhere. He trusts me.

But I’m so tired. My landlord’s complained. A neighbor said they’re scared of him. Last week he almost got into it with a small dog and I can’t get the image out of my head. I keep thinking what if next time I can’t stop him.

I love him more than anything. He’s my best friend. But sometimes I wonder if I ruined his life by keeping him. Like maybe he deserved someone with more land, more patience, just more than me.

I don’t know what to do. Rehoming him feels impossible, and I can’t imagine letting him go. But I also can’t keep living like this.

Has anyone been here? I feel like the worst person in the world even typing this.