Ego defenses

Idgaf what my behavior comes across like, what my writing style reveals, what the very topics I choose to post about reveal, what vibe I'm giving off, what types are technically off the table because of something I happened to say... All I know is, that I have certain ego defenses, that have been integral to me ever since childhood, and good luck typing them, 'cause apparently that's rocket science.

In short, I've felt hopelessly different, not belonging at all, in a way that makes it completely pointless to "compete" in the arena of normalcy (even for simple acceptance), so instead I lean into the difference - what separates me, the rejection (sudden rejection triad!) of the values held around me and used to evaluate me, defiance... And I build a false ego that's totally above it all. I say false, because it doesn't always hold up perfectly, and my self-esteem swings between "divine being" to "utter trash".

Maybe that sounds dumb and juvenile when put really simply like that, but I assure you I'm far from a teen (too far, midlife crisis here we come???). But there you have it - maybe that's 4, maybe it's some unholy twisted form of 3, maybe it's 9 somehow 'cause everything is, maybe it's 5/8 (or 2 lmao) 'cause rejection triad and all. Type me full bermuda for all I care - just know that you're typing the least adaptible person alive, literally unfit for society, and whatever that says about your typing skills... will forever remain a mystery. I won't even be around the whole day, so you have free reign to give some ludicrous opinions without immediate objections from me.

Well, this isn't even type-me-tuesday, so actually forget all that (I just know there will be typing opinions either way, so why not kindly encourage them). Tell me about your own ego defenses in short. Or long! Just tell me the core of it. Or tell me what the ego defenses of various types are supposed to be, so I can be all like "but that's literally identical to what I described" or "but that couldn't be farther from my experience", no in between.