Guide to actually using Enneagram beyond simply knowing it - Part 3: What do you even mean by self-discovery?
Continue from part 1 and part 2.
Self discovery is a very big topic and I thought about how to write this part for a while. I'm in more than 13 years of self-discovery and still counting. How can I even capture that in few pieces of article?
Anyway, thanks to both reply and some DM I think I would start by writing about definition of self-discovery. Because I think this is the place where the it is very common to have incomplete understanding.
When we look at ourselves, there are infinite layers to it. Almost every theory about mind out there compare our mind to the iceberg.
But it is not helpful to look at self this way. Yes, there are infinite layers in self. Now what.
In order to comprehend and make use out of it, each theory will have different way of structuring the infinite layers of self into some level of structure. Jung, Satir, etc, all have different type of layers. Enneagram also has layers.
Many people who are new to Enneagram and never actually doing a self-discovery and growth, believe that system have two layers like this.
But actually in every Enneagram literature that talk about growth, they will talk about de-identification with Enneatype. So it actually looks like this.
Yes. There are at least 3 layers to self according to Enneagram
- Who do you think you are
- Enneagram type
- Your true self
And contrary to popular belief, self-discovery in Enneagram is not about discovery layer 2, discovery the Enneatype.
Self discovery in Enneagram is about discover the layer 3, discovery of your true self beyond Enneatype.
Think about it: Even when Enneagram book suggest simple path to growth for each type, like
- 9s should exert yourselves more.
- 7s should slow down their thought and be more presence
- 8s should should practice self-restraint and sometimes allow others to have their way
- etc.
If all we are is Enneatype, these suggestion are pretty much useless. I'm 7s and there is nothing beyond the type, then I will always go fast, go free, chasing joy and die. Other are 8s and they will never ever yield or have any self-restraint, because that is all who they are.
If that is the case, any growth tip is practically useless. There is no point iterating any of them. Wasteful. People are just their type and their type will act that way. Nothing beyond that. It is as natural as gravity. There is no point teaching gravity to take a rest sometime.
But I believe you all know that growth tips usually have a point and people of each type can change.
That is the prove that there are more to each of us beyond the EnneaType.
Going beneath "who do I think I am" to the EnneaType layer and understand all of it mechanism, is just a part of self-discovery.
While many people think that is the end of self-discovery through Enneagram, to stop lying to ourselves and see ourselves as who we are, based on Enneagram theory. That is not all.
The self-discovery in Enneagram is about discover self beyond both "who do I think I am" and EnneaType.
-----------
Few days ago, it was quite chill at work. So close to lunch time, I was thinking about where to have a nice lunch.
There are so many good restaurants out there near my office. Korean, Thai, BBQ, Western, Japan, Fusion, etc. There are like 2-3 options for each. But I tried them all. I was bored. I was thinking about going a little bit further than that and try new things.
I legitimately spent 15-20 minutes browsing Google Maps and Yelp-like apps in my country to search for best place to have lunch. Next thing I know, I had only 40 minutes left and I still browsing the options.
Now I need to have a quick lunch, and cannot go having fancy lunch anymore.
What have I done???
-----------
We are human. And sometimes, we did few things that we are like "What have I done? What the hell was that? What was I thinking?".
EnneaType is a habit of the psyche, but it is not us.
Sometimes our true self is align with EnneaType and sometimes it is not.
For example, some 8s intensity is really align with who they are. But also, I have found many 8s who come to Enneagram because deep down, they don't want that much of power of autonomy.
Sometimes, their true want align with EnneaType. They are content that they have autonomy and power. And nobody can mess with them.
Sometimes instead of having ability to tell their own kid exactly what to do and they can follow, they want their kid to come and visit them out of their own will.
Their true want is to be at mercy of their own kid will and wish, and yet still get their need for connection to be fulfilled, not forcing their kid to "Come visit me on Thursday. I have something for you."
Sometimes our true self align with EnneaType. And sometimes, it is not.
EnneaType is psyche habit. In 8s case, it is very quick for them to go back to the "I need to make things happen mode".
Sometimes if they just wait and don't do much, their kid might get back to visit out of their own will. But 8s psyche habit will be "no I can't allow things to run on its own. I must be in charge".
This things happen to every EnneaType. For example:
- Deep down, 7s might want to have true and deep joy but they can't help themselves thinking of next big thing which divert focus from what they currently have, and hence they cannot experience the joy they truly want, only the joy of type.
- Deep down, 6s might want to have a more stable and predictable but their questions and skepticism make everyone around become less stable and predictable.
When we can really connect to ourselves beyond EnneaType, and understand: This come from EnneaType and this is true me. We have a choice.
Yesterday, I was in the Gym and after finish the weight training, I was thinking about going back home and play game. And skip the cardio.
My mind came up with all rationalization ie. "yeah, I could do it tomorrow", "I don't feel like it", "let make myself happy".
And after few minutes I realized, wait, this is my type bullshit. Do I really want to go back home and play game or do I want to continue with cardio training to maintain my health?
For yesterday, the answer is the latter.
But for some other day, the answer is the prior. Yes, deep down today I want to skip and take some rest, blow of some steam.
And not every day I can be aware enough of difference, sometimes I can't help myself but going deep into type bullshit.
Like, recently out of boredom I answered too many questions on Reddit. And when look back I was like, yeah, maybe this is too much.
That "get out of boredom" certainly align with my EnneaType. It is what the type want.
But it is not what I truly want.
Sometimes I truly want to get out of boredom, and sometimes I just do it out of "mind habit".
There is a story of my friend who is Enneagram 3s. She was running a project. She was appointed to doing a big final presentation. And she worked hard, really really hard.
At the presentation day, she collapsed before presentation. Others call an ambulance to take her to the hospital. And she was like, no don't take me to the hospital. I am fine. What the hell are you folks crazy about? I am fine and I can do the presentation.
She was like that during the whole journey to the hospital.
2-3 days later, she realized that she worked too hard. And she need a rest.
Deep down, she truly need some rest. But her EnneaType want to "keep the show running".
And now she try to be more aware of that, discover her true self beyond type 3s.
------------------
And you can see that our true self beneath EnneaType can sometimes misaligned with EnneaType.
And once we are aware of our true self beyond EnneaType, we can live in a way that is align with who we truly are, not as just an EnneaType.
And the self-discovery in Enneagram is exactly discover that. Discover EnneaType and beyond the EnneaType.
The journey of discover Enneagram type is still just a start.
The journey of try to "do things Enneagram type supposed to do to growth" is also just a start.
The true journey happen when you start to see yourself beyond Enneagram type.
When you start to see what is simply a habitual response embedded in our brain, and what is our true response beneath that.
That is the self-discovery, in Enneagram.
That's it for today.
I want to write more about common misconception of self-discovery, but maybe later on.
Posted Oct 22, 2025, 9:19 AM UTC