My brother’s anger is getting out of control

TL;DR: Brother has always had anger issues. Today he lashed out at mom and me over a minor thing related to his diet plan for his wedding. He tore the plan, yelled, and said hurtful things. I feel really sad and don’t know how to process this anymore.

I came home for Diwali and to help out with some of my brother’s wedding stuff. For context, I love him a lot, he’s always been my best friend and we’ve been super close since childhood. But he’s had anger issues for as long as I can remember. He gets mad very fast and says things that really hurt, especially to my mom.

Tonight, he came to mom with a new diet plan since his wedding is close, and asked her to follow it strictly. Mom has made some of those dishes before, and some didn’t turn out great because she doesn’t really know how to cook them. So she told him she’d make something similar with the same ingredients, like cheela instead of ragi idli.

He immediately got furious. He started raising his voice and saying things like, “Why are you changing things? If you don’t know how to cook it, learn it!” Then he tore the diet plan and threw it, saying, “Don’t bother doing it. You’re just making excuses.” I couldn’t stand the way he was talking to mom, so I told him to lower his voice and be polite. He turned his anger on me, said things like “Why are you even here? You don’t do anything useful. Just get lost.”

It really hurt. I was only trying to calm him down, and he said all that. Mom was clearly upset, and I almost cried but held it in because I didn’t want to make her feel worse.

He’s done this before; snapped at mom or said really mean things in anger, and later acted like nothing happened. I honestly think it’s beyond normal irritability; it’s a serious anger problem. I just don’t know how to feel about him anymore. I love him, but I’m tired of watching him hurt mom and me then act like it’s fine.