Older Than the Trees

Did you know that for as long as global censuses have existed, the number has been off by at least two hundred? I am a part of the two hundred missing, but I guess now you can count me if you want. All my life, I have lived in a small town of two hundred way off in the Appalachian Mountains: far away from any other small town or settlement, we aren’t on any map or radar and we like it that way. For the most part. There are some misunderstandings about Ol’ Appalachia and from what I've seen on the internet, a lot of you people like spreading stories and misconstruing the truth. Sure some of it is likely from locals who don't want to be bothered giving vague ideas of monsters and “rules” to follow like don't whistle in the woods or keep your blinds closed at night. Some of these stories do have a bit of truth, like if you hear your name being called, no you didn’t, but only if you're not a part of our community.

See, our town is unconventional at best and completely batshit insane to anyone from the outside. Not that any outsider would know as we have never had visitors or tourists. If y’ain’t born here, y’ain’t ever stepping foot here. I’ve never understood it myself, but it's almost like there is something, I don't know, supernatural or paranormal or whatever about this place. I’m not going to give you the name or even an approximate location of where we’re at ‘cause I couldn't sleep at night if one of y’all tried to find us and got…well, I don't know what would happen to you. Alls I know is that anyone who has apparently found their way here, whether by accident or on purpose, has ended up not being here, like they vanished or something.

Oh, that’s right, prolly need to introduce myself. You don't get to know my real name, but you can call me Cameron. Like I said, any information that can possibly lead you to here is gonna be changed or omitted - for YOUR safety.

If you ever are crazy enough to wander the Appalachian Mountains as a tourist or someone not native to the area, stop and re-evaluate your life and realize how precious it is. This mountain range harbors legends and their ilk for a reason and it’s a mystery that you don’t need to go solving. If you, like many others, fail to heed the warnings and the tales of the Appalachias, pray that God helps you. And if you somehow stumble your way to our town, you didn't pray hard enough.

If you are on the trails and survive long enough though and you see my food truck parked somewhere, it’s deep purple with a hotdog on top of it, don't be afraid to come up and order or chat, I'm always willing to fall my gums with anyone about anything, just be sure to clear out before nightfall. Set up camp, or go back to your previous site, just don't stay around and for the love of all that is Holy, don’t follow me.

I unfortunately can’t talk more right now, but if you have questions or want to know about some of our legends, let me hear ‘em. I'll check ‘em when I can.