Im at fault for allowing her back in my life

I must have been codependent, because my brain convinced myself I was over thinking things, and Im the issue. She made me feel at ease, because she finally, half-assed, admitted shes partially to blame for the way things turned out "two people can be pieces of shit in a relationship for it to fail". I ghosted her once, because I was protecting myself and saw red flags months into the relationship.

She wouldn't make time for me anymore, yet said shes so close to me and doesn't want to lose me. The only time she showed any feelings was when she was on her period and wanted sex. Then the compliments would come. Her periods over, and its back to her being detached.

Sunday was the final discard. She tells me she doesnt want to click on another vm again, that Im the only one who sends vms. I was sending vms because she was driving. "If I wanted to hear your voice, Id call you. Dont send me vms anymore", when she had no problem with them in 3 years.

Well, I had enough of that bullshit, I asked her why, she said Im trying to make her feel guilty by having to explain it, that I should just say "ok" and move on. We got into it, because I was taken back by it. Then she tells me not to message her anymore for the night. Me beibg annoyed and spiteful, replied "No, I dont care anymore. I went to bed, I then woke from some awful nightmares to see she blocked me after sending this :

"I'm under no obligation to talk to you and since you have zero respect for any boundary I've tried to set for you, I am going to block you. I don't have anything else to say to you. Please do not contact me again. Good luck in whatever you do."

This time, Im not hurt, I dont feel lost, or that I lost someone. Im so used to the discarding, this time im not missing her. I started to not give a damn about what she approves of and doesnt when I told her I bought BF6 and want to get back to playing with friends. She acted disgusted and said "video games" but when she plays video games when Id ask if we could spend time together, it was ok.

The constant controlling of what I eat, when I go to bed, when I wake up, how I train at the gym, what supplements I should take, how I should spend my free time, I lost my identity. The good thing is, eventually we grow tired of the abuse, the control freaks in them, the push and pull. Youre not making me feel happy and cared for when you call me watching shows or playing video games "garbage dopamine dumps", but engage in the same things when its convenient for you. I dont need someone telling me, I should be going out for walks, doing healthy things, when part of my depression was caused by this push and pull, to bread crumbing, etc.

So trust me, anyone reading this,it gets better. If you feel theyre all you know, and cant cut them out, youll eventually reach a point where you dont care anymore what they do. So dont beat yourself up, especially if yoi feel apathy during and after. Give yourself some praise and say its ok if you feel down and lost. Things will get better.