Closure...

There are so many things I want to say to you, but I'll be as concise as I can. It's been 39 days since we had to let go of what we had. There hasn't been a day gone by that I haven't grieved and mourned the loss. Since that first morning, I've poured over 12K words worth of love, pain, tears, and anguish into my journal. But I realized just last night that what I need is closure. Closure so I can stop looking back at our past, mourning the loss of what we had, and so I can pick my head up and start looking forward. I had this weekend solo, and I reread our entire chat. The rollercoaster of emotions was palpable, but doing this has made me so grateful for what we had. I was so lucky to have you for even the briefest of time. I loved you in such completeness; it was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. That invisible connection between us was undeniable. But what we had is gone. Will we ever find it again? I don't know. What I do know is that today, I love you, that I will love you until my very last breath, and that if I have any luck left, I will love you in my next life. I will continue to see you in all the beautiful things everywhere, but I'm hoping I'll see them and smile, not see them through tears.

One last thing, and it's no small thing. I'm so sorry for the trouble and pain I've brought to your life, and I hope you can forgive me one day.

If not in this lifetime, hopefully the next. 💙