i can’t find it in myself to trust my boyfriend anymore

a few days ago i looked through my boyfriend of a year and a halfs phone and found dozens of recently closed tabs for porn and months of bookmarks of porn on his twitter. i woke him up and cried to him asking him why i wasn’t good enough and why he would do this to me knowing how i feel about myself and about porn. i just don’t feel like he’s really remorseful, he’ll apologize over and over and say he doesn’t know why he did it and he’ll never do it again but i just can’t trust him. i’m usually someone who dissociates and tries to forget about arguments just to relax and ease tension. i just want to scream at him and cry and show him how much he hurt me. ashamedly i find myself thinking about how he would feel if i cheated on him, it’s a thought i know i shouldn’t have but i just want him to feel the pain that im in. today im having a conversation with him about it and how i don’t know if i can continue to be with him knowing that ill never stop thinking about what he did to me. is there any advice for someone who can’t stop blaming themselves and obsessing over the thoughts of betrayal. thanks