Desperately seeking validation

Finding myself craving validation and compulsively posting on instagram after never posting for like years. Also compulsively checking hinge and constantly feeling disappointed and stressed out. There’s like a pit in my stomach that’s pulling me to do all these things. It’s confusing because it came on suddenly and my desperation is freaking me out and making me feel kinda pathetic.

I don’t hate myself by any means. I think I’m hot and fun and talented so I don’t think it’s low self esteem. I don’t have a family or close relationships. Well I do have a family but they hate me and an extensive history of sexual trauma from csa.

I have a gut feeling this is trauma related and I’m trying to figure it out and get out of this mental state because it feels unsafe. I don’t want to end up with another abuser that will use my vulnerability to abuse me. I just want to stop this