I was encouraged to share my sister’s story here.

I posted about my sister in another community and was encouraged to share her story here.

My baby sister left us on 10/26/2024 at 3:38 AM. She was a private person, despite the way she lived her life, and at the end, she explicitly stated she wanted to leave with as much privacy as she could. She allowed as few visitors as she could at the hospital and hospice center. She was a beautiful woman and did not want anyone to see her at the end, due to the condition she was.

She did, however, allow us to, after she was gone, disclose the manner of her death to educate others, in hopes that it may help them make a better choice. She passed due to complications of severe alcoholism. Her liver and kidneys failed and she was not a candidate for a transplant, because she continued to consume alcohol in extreme excess until she was admitted into the ICU on September 30, 2024. By October 8, she was given the news that there was nothing that could be done for her. After they told her this, she called me on video chat and told me she was scared because she didn’t know how she was supposed to die. She said she regretted the way she lived her life and that she’d take most of it back if she could. She said she wasn’t ready to go yet. She asked me how she was supposed to die. She asked me where she would go and what she would see on the other side. And what do you tell your baby sister when she asks you these things?

On October 10, she was moved into palliative care. On October 21, I spoke with her on video chat. She looked at me with her huge eyes and said, “I think I’m done.” I said, “If you’re tired, we can talk later.” She said, “No. I’m done. I’m done with this. This is goodbye. I love you.” Then she disconnected. She went into a coma about two hours later. She passed on October 26, while holding our mama’s hand. During her last conversation with my daughter, she told her, “Don’t be like me. Be better than me. Don’t fight. Don’t drink. Don’t use shit that’s going to mess your brain and your life up. Be better and do better than me. If you need help, get it. Don’t let yourself get this far gone, where you can’t come back.” She told me that she never meant to let herself die. That she was always going to get help tomorrow, then next week, then next month. She didn’t want to live….until she did and couldn’t.

She, as I’ve said, was a wild child. She had her moments of amazing grace, empathy and compassion. “Nice” is not a word I’d ever use to describe her. She was rarely a lady, but when she was, she had a sense of elegance and warmth that was innate. Mostly, though, she was a born fighter. And I don’t mean with simply internal strength. I mean, she was known in her town as a street brawler and someone you did not cross, for very good reason. She was dynamite in a tiny package and she had a short fuse. I used to believe she was hard to love. I think differently now. She was never hard to love. Difficult to understand at times, yes. But never hard to love.

She was a fighter because she was forced to be. I do believe if she had been allowed to be the little girl, teenager and woman she should have been allowed to be, her story would have been different. I believe if she would have been taught that it’s okay to ask for help, she would still be with us today. I know she would want others who struggle to learn from her path and divert themselves onto a better one.