my boyfriend had a relationship with his pinsan and i can’t get it off my chest

problem/goal: hi reddit. i just really need to get this out because it’s been eating me up. i recently found out that my boyfriend and his pinsan had a relationship before. pls, don’t post this anywhere ‼️

context:

their lolo’s are cousins — so technically, malayo na, but still… that’s crazy to me.

i actually had a hunch the first time i met his pinsan at their house. my boyfriend would always tell me they were really close even before i met her, but when we were there, they didn’t even greet each other. no hi, hello, kumusta, not even a glance. i know for sure she saw me, and she definitely knew i was his girlfriend.

after that, i asked my boyfriend about it, and he just said they “grew apart.” but it didn’t sit right with me because i saw them replying to each other on x (twitter) around 2022—meaning, they were still in contact not too long ago. i wanted to believe him, but something felt off.

fast forward after that confrontation, i started seeing his pinsan around our area a lot. i didn’t know if it was just coincidence or some weird sign from the universe. then one time, we even ran into her at a café — and again, they didn’t acknowledge each other. my doubts got even stronger.

when i asked him again, his reason was may utang daw siya kaya di sila nagpapansinan. like, seriously? that sounded so shallow. i was still hoping my gut was wrong, but deep down, i knew something was off.

so i asked someone close to them — a friend who’s also related. at first, i was hesitant because, honestly, sino bang matinong tao ang jojowain ang pinsan niya? and asking that made me feel like a paranoid girlfriend. but i still asked. and i was right. they really had a romantic relationship. only a few people knew because, of course, nakakahiya naman talaga.

when i confronted my boyfriend, he denied it at first, sticking to the utang excuse. but eventually, he admitted it. and it hurt so much to hear it from him. he said si pinsan daw ang makulit, that she was the one chasing him. but after all his lies, i couldn’t believe anything anymore.

i ended up talking to the girl directly. we met in person. the truth i found out was disgusting and painful. apparently, before my boyfriend and i even started dating, they were still together. meaning, i was basically a third party without even knowing it. they broke up october 15, 2023. my boyfriend and i started talking october 13, 2023. they were still in contact until june 2024 — maybe even still flirting. and they had a comeback around may 2024, during the time my boyfriend and i were on a break.

when we got back together at the end of june, i thought everything was okay again. i was genuinely happy. i thought he changed. but i found all of this out just a few days ago. during the time we broke up, i started dating again—because, well, i was single. but when we got back together and he found out about that, he told everyone i cheated. he badmouthed me. even to the pinsan he used to date. if only they knew the truth that what he did was way worse.

i apologized, i regretted it, i tried to make things right. and then i find out about all of this? and now both of them are asking me not to tell anyone. ang kapal, diba?

i don’t even know how to look at him anymore. every time i do, i just remember that he had sex with his cousin.

and yet… i still forgave him. he said he’s changed since we rekindled our relationship last year. but honestly — nagbabago ba talaga ang cheater? 😭