Self-control, Love of reality, Pursue what's important: some thoughts

I used to say that Clarity was my first value, but now I think it’s Self-control. I now believe that many things that are supposed to be under my control are really things that are up to me, but not truly under my control. Over time, as one becomes that kind of person, it may start to feel as though those things are under control, but strictly speaking, they aren’t.

What is under my control, or could be, is what I attend to or do in my mind. I don’t mean the images that pop up or the emotions that arise; I mean that I’m in control when I decide whether to continue the daydreaming triggered by that imagery or that emotion.

In the dictionary, self-control means “control of your own impulses and reactions.” I would define self-control as a here-and-now situation in which I am in control of my irrational impulses and reactions, for example daydreaming or ruminating, and am in contact with reality.

I’m still in the battle to eradicate daydreaming as a mode of being used to achieve values, desires, or certainty and knowledge. I know I became that kind of person because of a toxic and immoral upbringing; it was a defense mechanism. But now its purpose has become maladaptive, and I must eradicate it.

How am I finally able to have a choice? Sigh. By trying and trying. By working on my self-esteem, by judging bad people as bad people, because you take things from whom they come; so if you don’t judge bad people as bad, psychologically you still keep them and their opinions on a pedestal. But to judge, you need at least a minimally functional self-esteem “Who am I to judge?” Or by judging bad mental activities as bad mental activities, because I want a life lived guided by my own reason (instead of the internalization of “others” as judges manifested as images) and by my own values (instead of illusions or wishes), in reality and not just in my fucking head. So, based on that goal, they are bad. And they are stupid. Just being there, sitting down, and shit happening in your mind, but if you take a snapshot of yourself, you’re just there, having attention-seeking daydreams while sitting down.

I’ve also worked on improving other aspects of my life and so on. But at all times, I must control those impulses, redirect myself to reality, to the task at hand, and ask, “What is important or urgent for me to do right now?”.

From time to time I remember the great truth: “He who lives by illusions dies by realities.” That is, if you keep living in your head by illusions, reality is going to catch up with you sooner or later, and it’s not going to be good. So self-control at all times.

Fuck daydreaming.