How do I let go of the what ifs

F22 here I broke up w my ex who is a M23 two years ago and I' only recently had a proper dating experience at 22.Me and my ex were ldr the entire relationship ( very dumb of me).

I was very vulnerable and young when we got together I barely got any male attention growing up and was always considered one of the "ugly girls"

So when I finally got a guy that asked me to be his gf and was so open about liking me I just said yes.I had not met him in person, barely knew him and yet I said yes.That time he had a lot of the qualities I wanted in a partner (so I thought). We dated for three years and broke up because he was a toxic narcissist. But during our "good days" I used to always fantasize about us getting married and all that.

And now to this day everytime someone in my life hurts me friends,men a family member I can't help but think damn if that was actually a decent dude and we followed my plan I wouldn't have to deal w any of this bs and any of these ppl.

My loneliness really has made my self-esteem low tbh does anyone here have suggestions because I realized I still think about him once a day which is so so bad.I just feel like no one understands me the he does or at least he sort of tried? I miss having emotional intimacy with someone.

So far I have flirted around w two guys and things got physical but that was all it was physical with the most recent one we tried to have a connection emotionally but it didn't work and he was unkind to me at times.

This whole thing w my ex and all the past men in my life is making it hard for me to turn to the next chapter of my life